Renewing Mercies…A Little Each Day

Starting over from scratch…sorta

Go Shawty Its Ya Burthday

January29

No…it’s not my birthday…

In fact…I don’t even know anyone who’s birthday is today.  Not the point though…

I am happy to report that I have lost 6 pounds this year! Yay me!  I am also happy to report…oh wait…must share excessive background information…

Just before new year’s I noticed a spot in my vision in my right eye.  It totally freaked out my very human and somewhat progressively hypocondriacal mind went from retinal detachment…to macular degeneration…to diabetes. Let me tell you, Web MD, did not help me find a “it’s probably nothing” option.  The first day, I wondered if it’d just go away like hitting CTRL+ALT+DELETE when I went to bed.  Yeah, no.  The next day I was worried about it, but didn’t say anything until something random pushed the gush & cry button and I verbally vomited it all over Court.  He’s pretty good in those kinds of crises, it’s nice.  He pretty much said “let’s just get through the weekend, we’ll take you to an opthamologist on Monday”. Sunday, Pastor Brady started talking about healing and miracles and supernaturalness and of course, at the end we rushed down for prayer.  Monday I called our insurance company for a list of opthamologists and started making calls and trying to get in…anywhere… After many tests, while without my contacts in and mostly blind, the blurry doctor said it looked as if I’d had a mini stroke in my right eye at some point in the past, it’s probably been there a while and I just noticed it, and while it may go away, it was likely related to my high blood pressure and I should see my cardiologist to get checked out. Great.  What does that even mean?!?

I made an appointment with the cardiologist…and appointment that I’d been putting off since last April, not because I didn’t want to go, but because it costs $50 freaking dollars to go to a specialist. Every month it seemed like something else was more important, and the main reason that she’d wanted me to go back was that she wanted to change my prescriptions after I stopped nursing.  At first I couldn’t get in until February, but I got a call later in the week that I could get in the next day and after scrambling to find a babysitter for 10AM…I went in to find out what’s what.

Not many people I’m sure clap their hands and say “Yay” when their BP is 137/78…but that’s a really good number for me and it’d been a super long time since I’d even taken my BP because the monitor I have is retarded and hurts my arm. And then she changed my meds.  I’ve been on at least 4 medications since my pregnancy.   One of them only once a day, two of them twice a day and the other 3 times a day.  For 2 years, I’ve been tired, really tired, don’t want to get out of bed but Ava’s awake and she usually poops first thing in the morning and I hate changing crib sheets tired.  So I’ve been getting up at 7:30 a.m. or so, every morning for 2 years and going back to bed for 2-3 hours when she naps most days.  Sundays are almost torture…naptime sometimes doesn’t happen and I find myself trying to get a nap in while hearing Ava complain, whine and yell in her room, and yet I force myself to leave her there because SHE needs a rest.  I could barely drag myself to the gym.  I’d fall asleep in front of the TV.  I didn’t feel like doing anything, well, I wanted to do stuff, but it seemed like such a hassle.  Throw in tendonitis in my right ankle that started last June and makes the thought of going anywhere near WalMart sound like my own personal hell (which it kind of is without all that)…we hardly ever went anywhere.  I never thought it was that drug.  I mean, all of them had side effects that listed drowsiness and here I was pushing 500 mg of this through my system 3 times a day.  Yep, I’m all kinds of stupid…or rather…drugged into a stupor where it didn’t even remotely cross my mind.  Meth-yl-dopa…really, does it take a genious to figure out that anything with Meth at the beginning and dope at the end might make you completely unproductive?

Finally, because I was petrified into making a change, I’m taking something new, only once a day (in addition to the other three) and I haven’t napped in a week.  I miss it…but I’m awake…sometimes until 2 a.m. and Tylenol PM calls me.  Hopefully not taking it is part of the reason weight is actually coming off, because there’s nothing worse than trying to do everything you’re supposed to and having nothing happen.

When my little mini me is finished eating her whole wheat english muffin with butter and agave, we are off like a herd of turtles to gas up the car and get thee to the treadmill!

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