Renewing Mercies…A Little Each Day

Starting over from scratch…sorta

I Think I’m Losin’ My Mind This Time


If I could reach the fan, it probably would have hit it.

I feel so very under construction today.  I totally feel like I’m losing my mind.  The fact that there are too many things on the counter (there are usually too many things on the counter by the way), that a sticky note is “touching me!”, that Ava’s dumped her puzzles all over the living room AGAIN, and that the dog is moving around outside, really aren’t dramatic events that could induce a meltdown…but mix that perfect storm with pregnancy hormones and I’m a powder keg.  Sadly, it started yesterday.  It should have been a great morning.  Good night sleep, up early, showered and ready to go, but the dog pushed by me on the way down the stairs…and I do mean pushed.  She squeezed her body in between my leg and the bannister when there was plenty of room on the other side of me…and I lost it…bitter water spilling out of my mouth all over the place.

I’m so edgy! I can’t stand it.  I’ve felt just plain mean all day…trying to breathe…trying to reign in the evil be-atch within, but she’s in there clawing to get out from the inside.  She’s been unleased at the laundry, the dog, the vaccuum cleaner, these friggin puzzles that I reconstruct a billion times a day ~ Yes NYSE I did mean Billion! (Okay so maybe only 5 but it feels like a billion)

I’ve also had a few too many “no’s” come my way with regard to my new business.  My first check should be here any day…and by any day I mean today but our mail is uber slow and, as you can see, my patience is equally thin.  As is with every new business, building clientele is so important but can be tedious and frustrating and of course in this economy people are very protective of their budgets…as they should be.

Here’s my frustration, in an attempt at a nutshell…  Those “inexpensive” products people buy from the drug store or supermarket or WalMart or wherever are full of fillers.  Fillers like recycled grease trap fat from McDonald’s, mineral oil which instead of moisturizing your skin suffocates it, parabens that mimic estrogen and help your body nurture cancer cells, animal by-products which can include rendered animal fats that if you’re allergic to your neighbor’s cat means no wonder that lotion makes you break out…and all because of the purity standards of the FDA…it’s allowed to be sold to the unsuspecting American consumer.

Arbonne’s goal is to be “pure, safe & beneficial”, to offer products that help your skin to be better…and honestly, the main reason I was at all interested in selling them, is because Johnson & Johson’s “No More Tears” means that instead of the product not containing anything that will hurt your baby’s eyes, they have an ingredient in them that anesthetizes your baby’s tear ducts.  How dare they!  But “hi ____, hey would you help me out, I’m trying to build my business and it would be really great if you’d host a presenation” just falls on deaf ears and people just go on feeding the machine.

Obviously there’s lots of other products on the market that don’t have fillers or mineral oils or other junk in them.  Obviously you can pick up similar items at the health food store, or farmer’s market, or Trader Joe’s if you’re lucky.  Maybe they’re great.  Maybe they’re not overpriced.  Maybe 6 different companies along the way got a cut of your hard earned cash and you’re getting a mediocre product.  They’re probably not going to offer you an “in” in their business.  They’ll probably cut spending, shrink their packaging but freeze their prices, lay off some of their staff and charge you the same.  They’ll likely not offer you 20%, 50% or 80% off as a consumer or 35% off as a consultant…they’ll give you a $.75 off coupon, if you buy 2 of their whatever.  They might say “organic” on their packaging, but they’re not necessarily vegan-certified or PETA approved, which if you’re allergic to dairy is a good thing.

So yeah, when I’m dialing and trying to schedule home presentations…I can’t say all that.  I can’t say “good luck with that whole aging-faster thing you’ve got going, call me when you change your mind”  But my crazy preggo mind is thinking that today…and now the internet is subject to this rambling.  Poor internet…poor you…I’m going upstairs to turn this day off…and somewhere around 2AM, my husband will amuse himself by trying to get me to engage in a conversation with him…and it will make no sense, last night I apparently tried to explain what type of dinosaur I was in my dream, but I couldn’t tell him.  Why? Because I don’t know anything about dinosaurs, that’s why.

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