Renewing Mercies…A Little Each Day

Starting over from scratch…sorta

You’re So Vain


I was chatting with a friend tonight and amongst the spiderweb of conversation, there was something that struck me (of course, something that I said, not that I heard) “If I could go back 10 years, I would tell my 28 year old self to throw out the brownies instead of eating the whole pan.”

I’ll have to go back and read if I’ve mentioned this already, and I apologize for repeating if that’s the case, but 10 years ago I lost 65 pounds and was at my goal weight and wore a Size 6.  It was the only time in my life that I felt I was thin.  It was hard to do, to lose all that weight.  Yeah, it was hard to do.  And now, here I am, 10 years later, losing that weight and more.  It messes with your head, man.  So today, I am only 6 pounds away from my starting weight…the last time I made this journey.  It bothers me that I gained it back.  I mean, I’m thrilled that since June I’ve lost 35 pounds, I’m down 2 pant sizes and I look really good…but still, fat.  Grrrr.


I’ve also been thinking about high school me.  My 20th Class Reunion is next month.  I’m not attending because travelling with a family of 4 to the New York area during Thanksgiving week is beyond expensive and we are driving to Texas anyway, but it would be nice to go, I guess.  Honestly, most of the people in the Fairfield High School Class of 1992 I barely remember.  There’s a name or a face here or there, but I felt so completely uncomfortable and fat and ugly or just plain invisible in high school that I’m not sure I looked up during the 3 years I was there to look anyone in the eye…that might be why I don’t remember anybody.

The people that I was really friends with then, I’m still friends with now.  Even though I’m not near them anymore and don’t get to go out for dinner or to movies on the weekends, drink too much, make dumb decisions that will haunt me in stories for the rest of our friendship, they are still my dear friends who are not surprised at what comes out of my mouth, or ends up in this blog.  They know the unedited me, and love me despite the lack of filter.  At least, I think they still love me anyway.

I did the math the other day…that high school girl who was petrified of everyone and thought she was sooooo fat, trusted no one and thought that everybody was picking on her…she was only about 40 pounds overweight.  Dumb girl, if I’d started there, I’d be done now.  But she was more stubbornly rebellious and more of a control freak than I am now, so telling her how much she’d have to lose at 38 versus how much she had to lose at 18 would have fallen on deaf ears. What a waste of a time machine ride that would be!

So enough about me…young, fat-ish, me, 20-something skinny me, 30+ fatter-slimming-reallyhungryme… my husband looks damn hot!  He’s lost about 45 pounds (I could be off on the math, but it’s over 40 pounds)…  He’s gone from pushing a 42-inch waist to a 36-inch.  He looks amazing!  I can’t stop looking at him.  It’s possible that he’s looking at me the same way but I doubt it.  I mean, he sees me naked, and those 2 c-sections did nothing for me in the naked department, let me tell you.

Wait, what am I doing still talking to you people?  It’s Friday night, and the kids are in bed.


…Time for some Vampire Diaries on Netflix. (Tricked ya!)


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