Well, the surgery worked…and what was I thinking???PMS is a raging vicious bitch that comes up behind you and belts you with a 2 by 4 of attitude, rage, impatience, horrifying displays of bad behavior. I did not miss this. And, since in the 5 1/2 years of our marriage, I have spent 18 months of it pregnant, and another 18 months functioning mysteriously without PMS because I was growing 3 key limes in my ovary…my husband is not familiar with this sleeping dragon.
My poor children, my poor husband, they do not deserve the horrible tirades over where their shoes are and a missing toenail clipper. Should a full blown argument ensue because I was proven wrong and the missing toenail clipper was in my bedside table instead of the bathroom on its proper shelf and I didn’t remember using it until I saw it in it’s vacation home? The short answer is no. The short answer is, yes, I did use it, and I forgot. The long answer seemed to be all hell breaking loose at 12:30 a.m. because Court jokingly called me “Obama” because he said I changed my story. And, while calling someone Obama or a Democrat are just plain mean in our house, he was kidding, and laughing, but the crazy in me took it too seriously and I actually considered stomping downstairs and sleeping on the comfy couch instead of in my warm bed.
The bright hope for the future is that at 38…there’s only a handful of these monthly crazy-fests to endure before the bliss that hopefully is menopause will relieve with it’s wonder drugs. Or I could go and plead for some Prozac or Xanax or something to spare my family from years upon years of unecessary torture due to a sock still on the floor.
Maybe I’ll just get a gun and take it out on the squirrels that tease my dog and eat all my apples. Them bitches have gots to go. And seriously Colorado Springs people, if you’re humanely capturing the squirrels from your house and bringing them to Cottonwood Creek Park for a new country home…please stop, the park’s across the street and apparently our yard is the Golden Corral to them.