Twelve years ago I started writing a book. Not the book you might think, I started writing to my husband. At the time I had no idea who he was, all I really knew was who he wasn’t. And so, I started writing to him.
I wrote for years not knowing who he was. I wrote my heartaches and my yearnings to be a wife, his wife, the kind of wife God was teaching me to be, the kind of wife I imagined I was supposed to be…what I thought married life would be like. About a week before our wedding I mailed the book to Court and on the night before our wedding he read (most of) it. He keeps it on his nightstand. On occasion, I will steal the book and add something new…mostly though, I blog.
The other day I snagged it, I like going through and reading passages from dates close to the day I’m in, however many years back it may go, and just check in to see who that naive younger me was at the time and whatever was she thinking? The best entry to me was from Valentine’s Day 2006…A big dorky heart with an arrow through it saying “I LOVE YOU!” with little pink hearts drawn all around followed by “Happy Valentine’s Day My Love” and then “…I have a good feeling about this year”. Three weeks later we were “introduced” on eHarmony.com and all the entries following were to the man who would be my husband.
I can’t decide if the entries before that dorky heart, or after the dorky heart are more embarrassing. However, Court asked me the other day when he caught me reading down memory lane “What are you going to do when Ava reads this?” Oh holy hell in a handbasket!, when is she going to read this? Um, over my dead body…and that’s exactly when. It’s not up for her perusal until we’ve gone and she’s suddenly searching through the attic or our closets and stumbles upon it. Well, maybe she can. Maybe when she’s longing for someone to take care of her and love her like her father loves me, I’ll let her in a little bit to see what were once the desires of my heart and the way my Father in Heaven tended to me. Maybe when she’s lived the life she dreamed of and is ready to settle down but the “man of her dreams” just won’t appear, we’ll let her in and read our Notebook. Maybe when she struggling to wait for the right man, and instead trusting her heart to men who are less than satisfying or testing out others who aren’t quite the right fit, we’ll let her read and know that we struggled too, we waited too, we made mistakes that we are neither proud of nor anxious for her to repeat unnecessarily.
On Sunday, we celebrate our 6th Anniversary. Six years of real life together, not romance movie, fairy tale life…real, raw, dirty (not THAT kind of dirty, maybe a little dirty) gritty, knock down, drag out, richer and poorer, sickness and in health, love, honor, cherish, forsaking all others, moves and babies and surgery and deaths in the family and hold each other up and accidentally pick each other apart and hold on for dear life…kind of life.
We made it this far, and we’re still here, and quitting is not an option…so here’s to the rest of it…
Happy Anniversary My Love